Premier League? We’ll be alright!

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Let’s have it right: Sunderland are never boring, are we?

We don’t do things by halves and we certainly don’t rely on Premier League glitz or billionaire sugar daddies to see us through.

While everyone else is crying over transfer rumours and potential ‘marquee gs’, I’m sat here with a cuppa, not feeling remotely arsed. Because let’s be honest: it’s not the names on the back of the shirt that make us — it’s the red and white stripes (and the chevrons, of course).

Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images

People keep asking, “How will we cope in the Premier League?” as if we’ve never seen a football before.

Have you ever watched us at the Stadium of Light on a miserable Tuesday night? Surviving the Premier League will be a walk in the park compared to getting through the winter on Wearside with only Bovril and blind hope for warmth.

Would it be nice to see a couple of new faces come in? Of course, but I’d take one of our homegrown lads with mud on his boots and a chip on his shoulder over some preening, Instagram-loving ‘star’ any day of the week.

We don’t need a galáctico (we’ve already got Enzo Le Fée); we just need another local lad who hates the Mags as much as we do. Half the battle’s won already, then, isn’t it?

Let’s not forget that this is a team built on proper graft.

We’ve come up the hard way, with a spine that doesn’t know when to quit and a manager who’s so unflappable I’m amazed he has a heartbeat. We’ve seen more ups and downs than my boxers after multiple Guinnesses, but we’re still here. That’s not luck. That’s Sunderland.

Now, you want to talk about excitement? Eliezer Mayenda. Lads and lasses, we’ve got a player here who could run the Metro faster than Nexus.

Give him a bit of grass and a tired centre half, and he’s off, leaving them for dead, socks rolled down and making it look easy.

Photo by Marc Atkins/Getty Images

There’ll be Premier League defenders having nightmares about him running at them before a ball’s even kicked, but it’s not just Mayenda: this is the moment most of our lot have grafted for.

Dan Neil’s had chances to go and didn’t — he’s here for this.

Trai Hume never shirks a battle, and Chris Rigg — barely out of school uniform — already makes grown men look daft. Then there’s Patrick Roberts, who could nutmeg you in a phone box and still have time to tie his laces.

And you know what else? Luke O’Nien is going nowhere, and if we’re building a statue of anyone, I’d start with him.

Heart, attitude, banter…he’ll be the glue in that dressing room, as important as anyone we’ll ever sign. I wouldn’t put it past him to play three positions at once and still be the first to gee the fans up at full-time!

You can keep your panic buys and ‘statement gs’ because we’ve got a setup that actually means something. A club that re where it’s from and a fanbase that’s half-mad and fully committed. We’ll out-scrap, out-sing, and out-stubborn anyone daft enough to write us off.

Photo by Mike Hewitt/Getty Images

So, whether the transfer window brings us the next Lionel Messi or not, I couldn’t care less, because it’s not about individuals. It’s , together.

Bring on the Premier League.

We’re ready, and if anyone doubts it, they’ve clearly never heard 48,000 of us bellowing “Ha’way the Lads” on a rainy afternoon. See you there!