By Chris Vetter, ProWrestling.net Contributor (@chrisvetter73)
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OnlyWrestlers Association “Chi-Town Beat Down”
May 29, 2025, in Chicago, Illinois at the iral Theatre
Replay available via YouTube.com
The venue is a small strip club — yes, the website says it’s a strip club — and attendance was maybe 400, and the lighting was alright. Jonny Loquasto and Mark Roberts provided commentary. I had never heard of this promotion and saw zero advertising for it, but it popped up on YouTube, where it’s airing for free.
* Rob Van Dam came to the ring to open the show and he talked about his friendship with Sabu. He hobbled to the ring, using a crane. (He fractured his ankles or shins at the Chris Bey tribute show about two months ago.) Some music played in the background as RVD spoke early on, making it really hard to focus on what he was saying; they finally stopped the music. “He was my mentor outside the ring,” RVD said. “He helped me with the decisions to make me an adult. I traveled with him. This guy was teaching me things that made me who I am, later in life.” RVD said Sabu would give some of his payday to younger wrestlers who didn’t earn as much. Unfortunately, the sound went out while RVD was talking so us watching at home didn’t get to hear some of his story.
1. “Brothers of Funstruction” Yabo the Clown and Ruffo the Clown vs. “Officer” Colt Cabana and Deputy Dork. I am not seeing a close-up of his face, but I think Deputy Dork is Ryan Matthias, who has wrestled a lot lately in nearby Wrestling Revolver. If you haven’t seen Cabana do this gimmick, he wears a black flack jacket, like what D’Lo Brown used to wear. I truly hate the BoF; their humor just doesn’t work for me, but they are the babyfaces here. Cabana tackled one of the clowns, ‘frisked’ him, and was booed. One of the clowns hit Deputy Dork with a rubber chicken and pinned him. Not my thing.
Yabo and Ruffo defeated Colt Cabana and Deputy Dork at 5:26.
2. Davey Bang vs. Esfinge. We’ve seen the masked Esfinge a few times now in MLW as well as a handful of ROH matches. This is the reason I tuned in. They traded reversals on the mat, and this is a first-time-ever meeting. Esfinge kicked him in the chest and was in charge early on. Bang hit a handspring-back-elbow at 3:00. He hit a dive to the floor on Esfinge that the cameras more or less missed. Bang hit a top-rope doublestomp to the chest in the ring for a nearfall. Esfinge hit a backbreaker over his knee on the floor at 5:30.
A commentator said Davey Bang told him earlier in the day it’s the first time he’s been in a strip club. “The cat is out of the bag!” the other commentator said with a laugh. But, they pointed out the dance poles and said it’s not exactly hidden where they are. Back in the ring, they traded rollups for nearfalls. Esfinge hit a German Suplex, so Bang hit two German Suplexes. Bang fired up and hit some clotheslines. He hit a spear through the ropes at 11:30, then a Death Valley Driver, then a 450 Splash for a believable nearfall. Esfinge tied up the legs, leaned back for added leverage, and scored the pin. That was really good.
Esfinge defeated Davey Bang at 12:44.
3. Kerry Morton vs. Facade vs. CoKane in a three-way for the JCW title. My first time seeing the masked ring vet CoKane, and his mask is definitely a Kane rip-off. Morton got on the mic and berated the crowd; he didn’t want to hear the crowd cheer for “CoKane,” and he teased leaving. We finally got the bell, and the masked CoKane and Facade worked together to beat down Kerry. Kerry hit a delayed suplex on CoKane at 2:30 and was booed. Kerry shoved Facade to the floor, and Morton focused on beating up CoKane.
CoKane fired up and hit a clothesline and a Black Hole Slam. Kerry and CoKane fought to the floor. Kerry hit him across the back with a chair at 6:30 and he threatened a fan, too. Facade dove onto them both and he did the Sabu-style point to the sky. In the ring, Facade hit a springboard kick for a nearfall. CoKane hit the “Coke-Slam” on Facade at 8:30. He poured white powder on his face and he hit some punches on Kerry. Kerry hit a jumping knee to the mask and scored the pin. The crowd booed this outcome. That topped my expectations.
Kerry Morton defeated CoKane and Facade in a three-way to retain the JCW title at 9:31.
4. Luke Hawx vs. Jordan Kross. Ring vet Luke is now perhaps best known for his role as “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in the NBC Young Rock show; his Cagematch.net bio shows he’s been wrestling for 23 years. I’ve seen Kross in the Chicago area a few times; he has a dark mullet and reminds me a lot of a (very young!) Mike Bailey in looks. Hawx may have been wrestling longer than Kross has been alive. Hawx is the heel, and he jawed at the crowd. I didn’t hear a bell so I started the stopwatch at first . Kross hit a huracanrana and a dropkick for a nearfall.
Hawx tossed Kross up and hit a Bulldog Powerslam for a nearfall at 2:00. Hawx hit some chops to cave in the kid’s chest, and he jawed at the fans. They fought into the crowd. Kross hit a missile dropkick for a nearfall, then an OsCutter for a nearfall at 4:30. Hawx hit another powerslam for a nearfall, then a spinning back elbow for the pin. I always say sometimes the heel needs to win clean just because he’s better, and that’s the case here.
Luke Hawx defeated Jordan Kross at 5:31.
* Violent J interviewed Ricky Morton. I opted to fast-forward.
5. Axel Rico vs. Damien Walker vs. Maurice vs. Jay Vanity vs. Disco Ray vs. Joey Mack vs. Tully Bertorelli in a battle royal. I’ve seen Rico a few times in the Chicago indies, but I have no idea who the rest are. The commentators said we have eight guys, so I missed a name. Tully is a BIG, muscular man with several tattoos, and he quickly tossed Vanity, then Mack. Disco Ray wore his 1970s glittery leisure suit, and he danced. The commentators acknowledged they didn’t know most of these guys either. Tully tossed Walker. Disco Ray managed to flip Tully! It was quickly down to Maurice vs. Rico, and they traded offense for a few minutes. Maurice wore a plain black singlet top and white pants. They got on the ring apron and traded punches, and Maurice tossed Rico to win. Meh.
Maurice won a battle royal at 8:48.
6. Samuray Del Sol vs. Joe Alonzo. Again, Del Sol is the former Kalisto. Alonzo is a smarmy local heel, and he’s a regular in multiple Chicago indies. The bell rang; the crowd chanted profanities at Alonzo before the lockup. Del Sol twisted the left arm as they traded standing switches. Del Sol did some armdrags and teased a dive to the floor at 4:30. Del Sol went for a springboard move, but Alonzo caught him with a dropkick at 7:00, and he took control and stomped on SDS and choked him in the ropes.
Alonzo hit a back suplex for a nearfall and celebrated, and was booed. SDS fired up and hit a series of kicks. Alonzo hit a Mafia Kick. Del Sol hit a rolling Death Valley Driver and another kick for a believable nearfall at 9:30. Alonzo hit a Lungblower to the back for a nearfall. Alonzo hit his springboard axe handle for a believable nearfall. They traded rollups. SDS hit his mid-ring Sliced Bread for the pin. That was really good.
Samuray Del Sol defeated Joe Alonzo at 12:18.
7. Moose vs. Bugs Moran and Monchose Mayhem in a handicap match for the TNA X Division Title. This is gonna be a squash, right? I don’t know Moose’s opponents; they are both scrawny. “I’m not sure which side has the handicap,” a commentator said. We got a “Moose is gonna kill you!” chant. The rookies both attacked, but Moose swatted them both to the mat. Moose hit a flying European Uppercut into the corner on both guys. He hit a release powerbomb on Moran. He powerbombed Mayhem onto Moran. Moran hit a Lionsault onto Moose. Mayhem hit a corkscrew senton onto Moose. The rookies began to argue as they both wanted the pin. Moose clotheslined both of them. Moose hit a spear on Mayhem, then a spear on Moran for the pin.
Moose defeated Bugs Moran and Monchose Mayhem in a handicap match to retain the TNA X Division Title at 3:17.
8. Tessa Blanchard vs. Zeuxis. The masked Zeuxis appeared in the 2018 Mae Young Classic, reaching the second round but losing to Io Shirai. Tessa charged and hit a huracanrana to open. They went to the floor and brawled down a hallway. Zeuxis whipped Tessa into rows of chairs. Tessa hit a corkscrew plancha to the floor at 2:00, and they brawled more at ringside. They got back into the ring and kept brawling.
Tessa stomped on Zeuxis; she turned and threatened the ref. They traded rollups for nearfalls. Tessa hit a Lungblower to the chest out of the corner. Zeuxis hit a belly-to-belly suplex, tossing Tessa into a corner, and they were both down. They got up and traded punches. Zeuxis put Tessa upside down and hit a Lungblower move to the chest. Tessa hit a stunner for a believable nearfall at 8:00. Zeuxis hit a sit-out powerbomb for a nearfall. Tessa hit her own sit-out powerbomb for a believable nearfall, then she hit her second-rope flying Lungblower to the chest for the pin. A good brawl.
Tessa Blanchard defeated Zeuxis at 9:30.
Final Thoughts: The highlights here are Samuray Del Sol vs. Joe Alonzo for first and Bang-Esfinge for second, and the main event takes third. So, if you tune in, check out those three. The rest? I’m not sure if they are worth sitting through. The good news is this was a free show. Bluntly, this was a fairly mediocre show with several newer wrestlers who just didn’t stand out. For example, I wouldn’t bring in Moose just to have him destroy a couple of rookies in under four minutes. The battle royal was bad, too. I’m not into the Brothers of Funstruction, either.
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